I'm single mostly because I'm a shitty girlfriend. I'm very bad at it. I mean I'm smart and sexy but I don't know how to be affectionate. And sooner or later that takes a toll.

You can read why I don't want a boyfriend over here but the general idea I had was that boyfriends are too much trouble for me right now. I feel no desire to pursue anyone seriously. I feel no desire for a relationship because all they are is a troublesome and again I'm bad at it. Besides. I was better at sex than hand-holding anyway. And much better at cool calculation than warm smiles.

Being defined by a boyfriend is like being defined by a pair of pants or fried chicken or the color of your car. In the right angle it can be important (obviously you are spending time with this person for a reason) but it isn't the end all be all of your personality. And to be honest most of my boyfriends have not been like me at all. They've either been real sweethearts real assholes or real ambivilent. I just don't want to bother with all of that just now.

And you know this whole drug addiction thing. I'd like to get that beat before I go worrying about boys. Boys take up a lot of space if you let them. And this whole withdrawal thing is covering the main dining hall just now.