Why Breed?

First off I like the word breed. It sounds so cold and artifical. Like a dog breeder. Putting dlmations together to get a good crop of spots. It fits people nicely.

I'm going to publicly state that right now at 1:21 pm on May the thirteenth in the year two thousand two. I do not want children. Of my own. For several reasons.

First off: I don't think they would be sound healthy children. As a child I had asthma. I have poor vision and I had crooked teeth until my parents sunk one thousand dollars into orthodontics. I'm allergic to rabbits. I'm prone to depression. In my family runs cancer, schizophrenia, diabetes, stroke, heart attack, Alzheimer's, glaucoma, alcohol abuse, drug abuse and short tempers. I don't really want to pass that on. Having sickly emotionally stunted children that turn into bitter jaded adults (read: me) doesn't seem like a grand idea.

Second off: there are many many people in this world as it is. Many of them are not good people. People starve in Africa. Wars are fought in the Middle East and Eastern Europe. I don't think I like the world as it is. Although there are many aspects of beauty small and large. There are so many small and large facets of ugliness and hatred.

Third off: I worry about what kind of mother I would. I have a bad temper. I am not always paying attention or thinking clearly or pondering the effects my actions can have on others. I hear that these personality traits change when you have a child. But I wouldn't want to risk it. I wouldn't want to hurt a child. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Besides. It's some kind of rule that drug addicts shouldn't have kids. We're kind of not good people. I'm afraid I would not be loving enough kind enough something enough to raise a happy healthy person into adulthood.

Fourth off: I worry how everyone in my family seems to think that my end all be all of human existence is to get married and have children. I think I want to be something other than a wife or a mother. These are not inferior choices or anything. It just isn't the type of person I am. I'm not a loving nurturing individual. I don't really get people. I don't understand them. I'd rather read books and dissect music and tell jokes in a smokey club. I'm not very emotional. I rule myself by thought and intellect.

So no right now I don't want children. But maybe someday faraway from today I may want children. But if I do I'd only have one. And I think I would adopt. Just to be safe. And if I did. I would like it to be a little boy. And for a very selfish reason: I'm a die hard tomboy and I adore little boy clothes.